The Power of Paradox: Revisited


“The more we  hide our fears inside of the deep unconscious recesses of our mind, the greater they become.  It is our belief that what we are hiding can hurt us that actually hurts us.  It is the belief we have about ourselves that we are unlovable or not enough or any other fearful belief about ourselves, that hurts us.  And, paradoxically, the more energy we use to cover up and hide our false beliefs from ourselves, the fear gets stronger and the more it hurts us.  Conversely, when we are vulnerable enough to open ourselves wide open and look at our fears, paradoxically, the fear begins to dissipate, to dissolve and to be transformed into a new, truthful awareness about our inner strength, the core essence of every living being that lies underneath our deepest fear.”  A Holy Relationship:  The Memoir of One Couple’s Transformation, pp. 59 -60.

Experiencing the truth of those words changed my life.  And they can change yours.  It’s all about not being afraid to really see what you believe about yourself deep down, that you’re hiding from yourself.  We hide it because we believe it is true and because there is fear attached to it.  Paradoxically, when we go to the heart of the fear, there will we find safety.  The reason we find safety is because all fear comes from a false belief about ourselves.  And when we go into the fear, it has a way of informing us of what we believe about ourselves that is causing the fear.  Ensconced in fear, with an open, inquiring mind, you will no longer wallow in it but, rather, you will allow yourself to feel what exactly it is that you are afraid of.  Once discovered, you will clearly see that it is a belief about yourself that is really not true.  You know that saying, “The truth will set you free?”  Well, there it is.

When I work with someone, this is the soft intervention into consciousness, the epiphany, the “Aha!” moment, that is inevitably the result of our inquiry.  This is the kind of inquiry that my now-deceased pathmate, Barbara, and I did on a regular basis.  This is the kind of inquiry that we helped people with when we were relationship therapists in Houston.  And this is the kind of work that I do with people now on a one-on-one basis and that I try to facilitate with my writing.

I sincerely hope something from these words has stimulated you to begin the journey of self-inquiry that will set you free.  And if I can ever be of help, please let me know.


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